One day, many years from now when we are in the grips, or maybe the THROES of an ugly tie revolution sweeping the world over, our ancestors — hairless creatures with gigantic brains only capable of love, peace & strange harmless human addictions — will gaze upon this simple photograph (through 3 foot-thick panes of glass that hold it at the center of the main room in the museum with the most techonologically advanced security system in the galaxy) & say to themselves “This is moment when the tide finally came back in, when the promise of salvation crept onto the back of our collective tongues like a sweet distant memory. It tasted like bile at the time, sure, but the memory of the taste is deceptively sweet and perfect, like honeysuckle mixed with lavendar, & maybe a dash of cinnamon. Yes, this was the moment!”
To clarify: This was the moment that the Ugly Tie Revolution began.
Welcome to The Society of Ugly Neckwear, where ties are mandatory, & no exceptions are made.
What are we? We exist at the fringes of fathers days past, feeding on tastelessness & the power of our own spectacle. But as sinister as that sounds, it’s actually the polar opposite of sinister. If What We Are was to be played out into a situation, it would be like we, as an entire society, were riding on the backs of an army of hummingbirds we’ve lassoed & tamed ourselves, & laughing, drunk on sunshine.
Does that sound sinister to you?
Anyway, welcome to Neckrophiliacs. We don’t have sex with dead people. We just love really ugly ties.
