This week’s Ugly Tie Championship League is brought to you by someone who has had Mr. Big’s saccharine smash hit “To Be With You” inexplicably stuck in his head for the past three days straight. I have no idea why or how, but it likely has SOMETHING to do with the fact that my hard drive recently crashed & took 120 gigs of music down with it. So this is the punishment my brain has decided on. Serves me right for not backing up my files. Word to the wise: If you don’t feed new music to your brain, it will gravitate towards the adult contemporary hits of yesteryear & slowly eat itself.
On to the tie commentary!
I’m seeing a pattern here (pardon the pun): Pete’s been sticking with geometrically shaped ties of late. Where are the elaborate scenescapes, Pete? Are you resting on your laurels here? Where’s the passion for this? He maintains that ugly ties are hard to find, but we think maybe he’s just not looking hard enough. As you can see, his tie includes shades of purple, black, grey, pukey greenish yellow, & burnt orange. It’s the type of abstract art that rich ex-hippies with bald spots & pony tails paint & then sell to other rich ex-hippies with bald spots & pony tails at “high end” art galleries in the suburbs of a city near you. Additionally, the color scheme of Pete’s tie is actually a fully functioning test for color blindness. The test works like this: If you think the colors look good, there’s a 106% chance that you are in fact colorblind. Congratulations! You will never be a spaceman or a fighter pilot & are doomed to lead a normal life.
As for Carson…a winter tie in May? Surely this must be an homage to the unseasonably cold weather San Francisco has been enduring of late. A famous Mark Twain quote comes to mind: “The ugliest winter tie I ever did see, I saw one spring day in San Francisco”. God bless you, Samuel Clemens. You and your glorious grey moustache. The two snowmen on the tie appear to be Frosty’s mongoloid cousins. I’m not sure about origins here, but I’d be willing to bet a dollar that the tie was designed by none other than the legendary film director Tim Burton, himself!
Carson was given today’s crown, though the panel seemed to penalize Pete for being too color coordinated (that’s what you get for wearing a purple sweater). As we’ve said time & again: On Ugly Tie Fridays, there are only winners.
